A 4th of July Playlist for Sh*tposting Haters Like Me

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! This year, there is no hope of avoiding loud redneckery, gauche displays of nationalist pride, or even the rising trend of born-again Nazi exhibitionism that are all so hot in the hot, hot summer of 2020. And yet, I've got all these fun childhood memories of the 4th of July, and I have a kid who's excited about fireworks. There's a pandemic, in case anyone forgot, so we won't be able to walk down to the park and join a crowd of spectators for the usual professional fireworks display, so this year we bought some stupid recreational explosives to set off in our own yard.

We plan to pump up the jams, grill some greasy meats, open a bag of chips, park our rusty red pickup truck in the front yard and turn the bed into a redneck swimming pool, then light fireworks out of it until our retinas are seared and our eardrums burst.

Below is my intended playlist of epic metal anthems about America--except the last one, which is an epic metal anthem about Germany, the #1 mythical (or maybe real, who knows) nation of origin from which today's Americans claim their ancestors immigrated. The videos are so good that I'd project them onto a giant screen in the front yard if I had the equipment. I'm not making an extra trip to the store for that, because I just remembered that we're in a pandemic. Anyway, enjoy!


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