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Becky and Brad with the Bad Hair

"Does this haircut make me look fashy?" It's a question men have been forced to consider ever since the election of Ronald McBlumpkin, when a cohort of dough-faced keyboard warriors co-opted the Victorian-high-'n tight-with-ponytail sported by diverse men from ancient Pecheneg warriors to soccer stars to Ryan Macklemore. That was around the time my husband--we'll call him Brad just for this post--sawed off his man bun with a pair of kitchen scissors.

Fashiony is okay.

Faggy is more than okay.

Fashy, no.

Brad doesn't care about proving his hetero-masculinity or originality to anyone. These are not personal hangups of his. But his father and grandmother were refugees from a Nazi labor camp, so... the rise of fashy hair has finally produced a hairstyle association gross enough to call for a new cut.

Meanwhile, I have discovered, to my dismay, that pretty much any neat and tidy style for women with Indo-European hair textures, like easy and summery milkmaid braids, are also being grabbed as sinister symbols by Instabrats who want to believe they are the purely-inbred descendents of shield maidens whose economy was based on something other than the trafficking of blonde, pagan Finnish children.

RAINBOW BITCH FACE
Ain't got time for this.

My husband and I, like most white-presenting Americans, have heritage that extends far beyond Europe. And we are appreciative of all of our ancestors, for surviving in challenging times and passing along all of their winning DNA recombinations.

And like other white-presenting Americans working in offbeat fields, we can get away with wake-up-and-go hairstyles that embrace our natural, naked hair textures: in his case, fluffy; in my case, coarse and frizzy. We've found that we can roll out of bed looking like Princess Anna on Elsa's coronation day (before hair magic) and absolutely no one gives us grief. We receive compliments. Everyone (OK, except maybe our moms) assumes it is a fashion statement.

And it gives us a lot more time in the morning!

Now excuse me while I get to work on my historical novel about your mom and many of our true ancient ancestors: Baltic, Nubian, Rus, Slavic, Maarulal, Gothic, Indian, Germanic, Pecheneg, Turkik, Byzantine--mingling and migrating and maybe even making beautiful babies together.

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