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Tampons Take Your Virginity: A Catholic Girl's Memoir by Marie Simas

And now for some creative nonfiction! Marie Simas' new book, Tampons Take Your Virginity: A Catholic Girl's Memoir, is set to be published this month in paper and digital formats.

Click here for Marie's author website.

And click here to see MY comment on her "Lurid Gossip" page! Yes! If you're too lazy to click, here's what I said about her stories:
I feel you, fellow Catholic schoolgirl. I remember asking similar questions as a small child and my mom screaming, "Who TOLD you that?" As if no child could come up with those heretical--and not at all patently obvious--thoughts on her own. As if children were empty vessels to be filled to the brim with bullshit so knowledge (which, of course, is shown to be evil in the Creation story) and curiosity (which is what Satan uses to tempt) cannot enter the innocent mind.

So beware, folks, this book is not for the pure and innocent mind. It is for anyone raised Catholic, especially those of us who found The Catholic Girl's Guide to Sex to be cute but not exactly balls-out with the honesty. Tampons is a collection of brief narratives that are sometimes horrific, sometimes hilarious, and always just so true. You don't need to be Portuguese to appreciate these tales; German/French Catholics (like me) and Mexican Catholics (like my BFF Esperanzita) can relate to most of this, and I gather from my short time in Europe that Catholic culture (and Catholic/Pagan hybridization) has a similar soul from the Vatican to the coasts.

If you like gritty memoirs or ever had to watch Charleton Heston movies in religion class, this book is for you. Don't miss it!


  1. Hahaha! It seems I have lost a follower after this post. Well, this one's for you, Marie. If people don't want to hear personal truth, they probably don't want to come here.

    IN CASE anyone else is mortally offended, I'd like to point out that this is not an anti-Catholic book. The author is (as far as I know) a practicing Catholic, as are some of her most avid fans. This book is about as anti-Catholic as Angela's Ashes is anti-Irish. It's not bashing the religion, but it is showing some of the darker truths, from the humorous to the grotesque, of a personal experience with the culture.

    If you can't hang with the unpretty side of reality, you'll want to stop reading my blog. The world is full of danger and tragedy, and while I don't like to dwell on negative things, I also certainly won't turn a blind eye. That's how things like child abuse and institutional corruption thrive--when so-called "good" people turn around and pretend it doesn't happen.


  2. That book looks interesting! I grew up in a religion that was taboo with anything sexual, so I think I get this all the way. And thanks for saving me a click. How did you know I was that lazy...???

    I can't believe you lost a follower after that. They obviously weren't reading closely.

  3. Genie, thank you so much for this! Wow, and the book isn't even out yet. And yes, you're right-- I AM still a practicing Catholic, amazingly, yes, even after all the scandals. I still think it's a religion full of mystery and beauty.

    As they say, SUNLIGHT is the best anteseptic! The idea is to try and hold onto your beliefs after you get a face full of shit-- that's what's really hard. Have you ever listened to Christopher Hitchens? (who I find wildly sexy in a weird naughty-professor sort of way)

    It's hard to stay Catholic after listening to him. Anyway, you didn't lose a follower-- people stop following for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes people delete their blogs, etc. It could be anything. But if it WAS because of my book, well, I'll send you some cupcakes for taking a bullet for me, my girl, I love you-- you're an absolute peach.

    I guess this means I am actually going to go out and finally have a professional photo done. *sigh*

    I'll do it next week.


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