Skip to main content

There is no wrong way to love.

Valentine's Day is a convoluted Hallmark holiday drawing from Christian (as in Saint Valentine), pagan (as in the creepy baby with love-magic weaponry), and capitalist sources. Traditionally, it is a celebration of romantic love... and also candy-enriched platonic love in elementary school classrooms nationwide.

I don't celebrate this holiday with cards and candy and blah blah blah. February 14 means nothing to me personally. But it has got me thinking about romantic love, which I think is a sadly complicated issue for us Americans. Life has enough challenges, and love is free. Why not embrace it fully, and on every day of the year?


Keep Out! Unsafe Area!

Romantic love is a tricky subject in a culture with many sexual hangups. In my opinion, there is much unnecessary anguish over sexuality, which harms individuals, romantic relationships, and even platonic friendships. I wish everybody could agree that there is no wrong way to love. It's only important that we DO love, fully and honestly.

Classic sci-fi writer Robert A. Heinlein famously said,
"Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other 'sins' are invented nonsense."

There's all this Old Testament mumbly jumbly about "sins against God" that came from (let's face it) a crappy, ancient time and place in which there was no modern medicine, no birth control, and no paternity testing. Any intimate physical contact between people that was not necessary to create an intentionally fathered baby was incredibly dangerous, in a society in which people could easily die of a urinary tract infection or now-treatable skin condition. Nomads in the desert couldn't just sleep with whomever; it was better to drive the fear of God into all children and make them feel deep shame about their bodies than risk disease or babies of unknown parentage--carrying the risk of accidental incest. Yuck. But the sex sins in the Old Testament sections that forbid things like homosexuality or women leaving the house while menstruating also allow things like a man raping his slaves if his wife is "barren." It makes no sense to pick through those chapters and try to find sex rules "relevant" to modern Western culture.


Safe sex in America today is no more risky than driving to work. So why should non-procreative sex (or even sexual feelings) be a mortal sin, while driving is fine? Some people think that non-monogamous, non-committed sex is wrong. Most people prefer sex in a committed relationship, but casual sex is not necessarily harmful just because it is not as deeply meaningful. I think two people having a one-night stand, using protection and enjoying each other's pleasure, is just as much an act of love as dropping change in a stranger's parking meter.

Besides, human sexuality serves many purposes, not just procreation. Human societies are complex. Thriving cultures need people in many roles besides baby-maker. The baby-makers have healthier, happier children when the children are raised by a "village," not just two worn-down parents. Human sex releases hormones that bond couples, relieve stress, increase longevity, and more. Sexuality extends beyond physical acts to fuel creativity and expression. Bisexuality, homosexuality, and a framework with more than just two gender roles persist through generations of "less developed" animals. In our mentally, emotionally, and socially complex human species, it is only natural and healthy that there is a huge variety of sexual and gender expressions.

Oh, and it's not like we have a low population problem. In my humble opinion, it's much more harmful and irresponsible to become a baby-mill than to have sex that isn't intended to result in pregnancy.

Shaming a person for their sexuality and withholding love (romantic/sexual, parental, or otherwise) based on judgment of their identity is terribly damaging and cruel. Loving someone, no matter who and no matter how (as long as we are talking about love here, not a euphemism for something sinister), is good and healthy. Everyone deserves love, and no human being can be healthy and fulfilled without it. Although I certainly cannot rule out the possibility of asexual people (we are a diverse species), most people require romantic and/or sexual love, in addition to non-sexual relationships, to be happy and whole.


Fear of loving the "wrong" way puts a strain on relationships of all kinds. How many heterosexual buddies hold back from "too much" expression of affection for each other so it doesn't seem "too gay?" In my experience, straight men with the most confidence in their own sexuality (and the least shame) are less--or not at all--concerned with "looking gay." Because who cares? Sometimes looking gay is fun.


Whether your love is gay, straight, interracial, committed, open, monogamous, devoted, fleeting, kinky, raunchy, gentle, serious, playful, federally sanctioned, or any other kind, it is a legitimate blessing to you and everyone who shares your love. All love is good love. And the world needs more of it, not less.

You don't need to buy a card or flowers, but love somebody today, any way you want to, any way you've got to. Happy Valentine's Day!

Comments

  1. Well said! More love, not less!
    Happy Love Day ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very well said. I still just can't help but be against the day that Americans turned into such a commercial day. I'm married and I love my hubs but I'm STILL against V-Day. Maybe I'd be more open to it if it wasn't shoved down my throat ya know?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Bad Romance Starring Till Lindemann, Sophia Thomalla, Gavin Rossdale, Simone Thomalla, Sven Martinek, Andy LaPlegua, and Leila Lowfire

To misquote Gaga, "I don't speak German, but I can look at foreign tabloids and guess what's going on if you like."


I guess it would be more professional and ladylike for me to be above this sordid celebrity gossip, but I'm not. I'm so not.


So let's see if I've got this straight. From what I gather...


Metalgod Till Lindemann, 54, and model Sophia Thomalla, 27 (upper left) recently exited a five-year, on-off, opennish relationship, which began when Sophia's actress mother Simone (upper right, in the center) and Simone's then-lover (between her marriages to nubile young athletes) actor Sven Martinek (lower left, in the center), who is famous for his lead role in German TV show Der Clown (lower right) thought it would be cute to set Sophia up with their pal Till. Apparently, the 22-year-old Sophia was not repulsed at her parental figures setting her up with a drinking buddy significantly older than her mom, which absolutely makes sense when the d…

Ich Liebe Rammstein: Richard

Richard Z. Kruspe
Richard Zven Kruspe is Rammstein's founding father, lead guitarist, and natural frontman. He's gregarious, well-spoken in both German and English, a professional showman, and an enthusiastic promoter for the band. In German, his name is pronounced "REE-kard," and in Germanglish, "Reeshard," or "Reesh" for short. Richard is sexy, and he knows it. To many Rammstein fans, he is the cuuuuuuute one. His Facebook page would have you believe it.

Legend has it that Richard has a lovechild with lead singer Till Lindeman. The myth is based in complicated facts and figures, including one unconventional love triangle. Circa 1990, Richard and Till were in a band together (along with future Rammstein rhythm guitarist Paul Landers) with the cheeky name First Arsch. Till, the drummer, was a single father of a little girl at the time, the issue of a short-lived, youthful shotgun wedding--to Richard's current girlfriend. When "Mrs. Lindem…

Ich Liebe Rammstein: Till

UPDATE: After purging his sillies on the side project LINDEMANN and participating in another Rammstein documentary video, Till has begun work on a seventh Rammstein album, estimated to be released in 2017. 

October 2017 is the release date of a NatGeo photo book of Till's travels in the Yukon with Joey Kelly: Mein Gehasster Freund Yukon

Yukon Ho!

For fresh squeezed gossip juice, here's a bad (as in so good) romance. Till Lindemann
Till Lindemann is the only living human who could kick Chuck Norris's ass, but he doesn't, because they go on emo hunting trips together. The source of this fact, Urban Dictionary, also provides the following essential details: "Till Lindemann is the anthropomorphic personification of pure masculinity who invented the often-lethal dance move: The Till Hammer..." "He challenges the definition of masculine..." "Every German fertility clinic features a cardboard cutout of Till Lindemann choking a shark with one hand, whils…